Did we have all this stuff when were growing up? The answer is ‘no’. When discussing what we used to play with when we were little, one of my friends said her mother told her ‘you just used to play with your hands.’

Not any more. While your baby would probably be just as happy playing with an empty crisp packet and an exposed plug socket, the Baby Industry makes you feel guilty about buying enough ‘educational toys’. In this context ‘educational’ means anything bright that you can touch – or in Plastic Crap Speak, ‘it develops their senses and helps them interact with the world’. Wow, like, really educational.

Once upon you lived in a house where, while it might not have won any style awards, at least you could actually see the living room floor. Now it is just a carpet of day-glo yellow and green, hideous ‘play mats’ and bizarre, multi-limbed crinkly toys that seem to be multiplying like bacteria. And it’s only going to get worse. Our advice? Join a toy library. Then at least you don’t have to keep all the plastic crap.

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