The answer to everything. Teething? Calpol. Fever? Calpol. Insomnia? Calpol. Of course, like all good things, the age of Calpol had to come to an end. The second research linked the innocuous strawberry flavoured paracetamol-containing liquid with increased asthma, mothers everywhere shoved their stash into the back of the medicine cupboard and tried not to panic. Oh, not about whether they’d overfed their rosy-cheeked 2-year-old and had committed them to a life of inhalers and wheezing, but about what on earth they could use instead of dosing up said 2-year-old with the calming elixir. Without regular unmitigated access to that particular sleep-inducing medicine, mothers everywhere saw before them one enormous five-year-long broken night’s sleep. Homeopathic teething granules? Don’t make me laugh. Ibuprofen? Works well on fever, for sure, but cue hyperactive bedtimes (“I feel all betterer now!”) Oh damn the evidence, everything gives you asthma these days anyway. Bring on the Calpol!

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